Smiling Stray

You are the one who is visibly pleased. Not performing pleased — actually pleased, in a way that reaches your face before you have decided whether it should. It costs you nothing, and it is why people who barely know you still describe you as warm. You have no reserve of coolness to draw on, and you stopped pretending you did a long time ago.

The problem is that the warmth does not select. You give the same face to a close friend and to somebody who is quietly using you, so you find out late, usually on the third or fourth time. You also mistake being glad to see someone for being ready for them: you arrive delighted and unprepared, and somebody else ends up holding the practical end of the evening. Easy to be around and reliable are two different things, and the people closest to you know exactly which one you are.

You do not need to be cooler. You need one habit: notice who gives it back. Not who enjoys your warmth — everyone enjoys it — but who spends something on you when you are not in the room. Sort your people by that once a year, and the thing that currently only costs you will start to pay.