Fearful-avoidant

Key traits — Two minds at once · Hot then gone · Reads everyone · Trusts no reading

What you are like — You are the push-pull one. You want to be chosen clearly and completely, and the moment somebody starts doing it you begin looking for the catch. Where other people have one alarm you have two: one that goes off when someone moves away, one that goes off when they move closer. Neither is broken. They are simply wired to the same relationship, which is why you can miss a person badly on Tuesday and need them out of your week by Friday.

Your strengths

· You are unusually good at reading what somebody is not saying

· You take people seriously, including the parts they are embarrassed by

· You know your own patterns, often in more detail than is comfortable

· When you are in, you are all the way in, and people can feel the difference

Your weaknesses

· You leave first, to avoid finding out whether they would have

· You run hot and cold and expect the other person to keep pace with it

· You go looking for evidence against a relationship and you always find some

· You make the big decisions at the peak of the feeling rather than after it

In love — You are the hardest person in your own relationship to be with. You can be the most present partner somebody has had, then be unreachable for a week over something you never said out loud. It is not manipulation and it is not indecision: two systems fire at once and whichever is louder takes the wheel. What helps is slow and unglamorous — a steady person, a fixed rhythm, and a standing rule that you decide nothing about the relationship on the night it feels worst.

At work — You are good at reading a room, handling difficult people, and seeing what is about to go wrong before it does. You are wrong in an unstable place: a manager who blows hot and cold will occupy your entire head, because inconsistency is the one input that sets off both of your alarms at the same time.

Best match — Secure, Fearful-avoidant. The first stays the same for long enough that your two alarms stop trading shifts, though you will test that for a while; the second knows the machinery from the inside, which helps right up until you both withdraw in the same week.

Hardest work — Anxious-preoccupied. They close the distance exactly when you need it open and you go cold exactly when they need it closed, so the two of you spend the relationship handing each other the worst available version of the other's fear.

One line for you — You are not indecisive. You are running two answers at once and going with whichever one shouted last.